You always have to be suspicious when someone says, ‘I don’t mean to compare myself to Gandhi, Martin Luther King, or Nelson Mandela,’ and then proceeds to compare himself to Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela. You really have to wonder what two species of crazy had to mate to produce a specimen like Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. He said – and I’m not kidding – that he thought about what these great men had done in
his situation, and how he was doing the same. For a minute, I started thinking what Gandhi did after he tried to sell a US Senate seat. Probably no one in India could afford it at that time, so he never really ran into any problems. It all makes sense though. Blago and Gandhi. They’re almost the same person if you think about it.
On a similar self-praising note, our favorite happy un-elected Senator, Roland Burris, said, ‘If there was no Martin Luther King Jr. and no Roland Burris, there would be no Barack Obama in the White House today. We must recognize, friends, that we all stand on each other's shoulders.’ Referring to oneself in the third person may be creepy, but tacking your name on to MLK’s with ‘and’ is pure genius and really just solidifies whatever argument he was making. It's like saying, 'If there was no John Lennon and no other random guy who wasn't even part of the Beatles, there would be no Beatles.'
But, in any case, is it possible to ‘stand on
each other’s shoulders?’ Have you ever tried to stand on someone’s shoulders while they’re standing on yours? Burris is really getting all Cirque du Soleil on us now. He was also overheard to say, ‘I’m gonna grab you by the ankles and throw you in the air. Before you fall, some dude in tights will throw me into the air and then another dude in tights will throw him before he catches you, and so forth, so that there are always three of us in the air and one on the ground at any given point in time. How bendable is your back? Go find me some music by Enya or something.’
You always have to be suspicious when someone says, ‘I don’t mean to compare myself to Gandhi, Martin Luther King, or Nelson Mandela,’ and then proceeds to compare himself to Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela. You really have to wonder what two species of crazy had to mate to produce a specimen like Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. He said – and I’m not kidding – that he thought about what these great men had done in his situation, and how he was doing the same. For a minute, I started thinking what Gandhi did after he tried to sell a US Senate seat. Probably no one in India could afford it at that time, so he never really ran into any problems. It all makes sense though. Blago and Gandhi. They’re almost the same person if you think about it.
On a similar self-praising note, our favorite happy un-elected Senator, Roland Burris, said, ‘If there was no Martin Luther King Jr. and no Roland Burris, there would be no Barack Obama in the White House today. We must recognize, friends, that we all stand on each other's shoulders.’ Referring to oneself in the third person may be creepy, but tacking your name on to MLK’s with ‘and’ is pure genius and really just solidifies whatever argument he was making. It's like saying, 'If there was no John Lennon and no other random guy who wasn't even part of the Beatles, there would be no Beatles.' 
But, in any case, is it possible to ‘stand on each other’s shoulders?’ Have you ever tried to stand on someone’s shoulders while they’re standing on yours? Burris is really getting all Cirque du Soleil on us now. He was also overheard to say, ‘I’m gonna grab you by the ankles and throw you in the air. Before you fall, some dude in tights will throw me into the air and then another dude in tights will throw him before he catches you, and so forth, so that there are always three of us in the air and one on the ground at any given point in time. How bendable is your back? Go find me some music by Enya or something.’
3 comments:
That's pretty funny. I think I'll insert my name in there along with MLK. Why not? Makes as much sense.
Yeah, but I like to use more obscure names. Sometimes I say, 'With no Richard Carlisle and no Angry Max, there would be no vending machines in school cafeterias.' It's a matter of taste, really.
This was fucking hysterical. Thank you Angry Max, Thank you
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