Book Review: Sarah Palin

This is a review of former VP-candidate Sarah Palin’s memoir of the 2008 election campaign, It Was Nice to be Out of Alaska. I know what you’re thinking: that book hasn’t been written yet. Well, that would be a problem for lesser reviewers. As you already know, it's possible to review movies I haven’t even seen, and don’t ever intend to see. Is Tom Cruise wearing an eye patch in the preview? Is he still Tom Cruise? Yes and yes. Well, then the rest can be interpolated. In this case, is Sarah Palin an epsilon semi-moron? See, now you’re getting it.

You might think the Barracuda’s memoir is filled with a mix of cute little folk-isms and divisive rednecky slogans, but you’d be wrong. On the whole it’s a scathing indictment on our political system and a biting critique of our national character. For example, on page 23 (about a quarter way down the page), she writes, ‘…and the media got in the way of my plans to bring Jesus to Alaska. As the sun rises in the liberal East... etc, etc... egghead... etc, etc... maverick... etc, etc... like a flash of pure ecstasy across the sky.’ What she’s talking about there is not so much religion or even the media, but the lack of a coherent strategy to reduce the influence of money in politics, as well as the indifference and complacency of the average American voter. You’ll find a similar kind of ruthless rationality on page 1,637 (at the end of the last paragraph, 3-1/2 lines up from the bottom), where she writes, ‘Katie Couric is a poopoo-head.’ Eloquent, concise, painfully revealing. And then there are some telling personal vignettes, like when Todd forgets to wear a raincoat in 2007.

In the last line of the book on page 2,042, after all the policy wonkishness and rigorous analysis, the Governor betrays a hint of her burning ambition: ‘Homegirl has some street cred now, right? Am I right? Huh? Who’s with me?’ And we all know what that means. Palin in 2012. Write it down.

So, if you’re looking for an absorbing read and you want to re-live the 2008 election because it just wasn’t long enough, or if you’re looking for some ‘elite opinion’ served up cold and icy, this book is for you.

Next up, I Better Get Paid for This F***ing Book: The Rod Blagojevich Story.

Mets Show Interest in Shoe Thrower

The New York Mets are reportedly interested in signing Muntadar al-Zaidi to round out their rotation. The New York Metropolitans could use a guy with some spunk, a little zest, a guy who knows what a Baghdad prison is like – a guy who can actually throw. Al-Zaidi hurled himself (and his shoes) into the spotlight last week when he basically acted out what the world was thinking and hucked a pair of shoes at President George W. Bush.



Said Mets General Manager Omar Minaya, 'We liked him even before the shoe incident because we heard he was some random dude and that he had a pulse. Well, we couldn't verify the pulse thing, but we were pretty certain he was some random dude, and that really piqued our interest. Now that we see he can control his throwing action and actually repeat his delivery, we've decided to have him start opening day. We'll put a picture of Bush in the catcher's mitt to help him along, and we've promised to behead all Sunnis and Kurds on the team before next Ramadan. You know, kind of a signing bonus.'

The famed shoe-thrower Mr. al-Zaidi could hardly have been restrained when he responded to the interest by Minaya and the Mets ownership -- if he wasn't already restrained by head-to-toe shackles and the iron bars of his dark, musty cell. 'In Saddam's time, this was a very lucrative job,' said al-Zaidi, bubbling with enthusiasm. 'People skilled in the art of choking would be paid very well. I miss those days. Now in New York City Queens they pay twenty-five men millions of American dollars every year to be Choke Artists.'

Sources say that right-handed pitcher Tim Redding has been thinking of having a go at Prime Minister of Canada Stephen Harper. But for now, he's just practicing throwing his Birkenstocks at passing traffic in his hometown of Rochester.