Don't Hug Him to Death

A Texas school for the mentally challenged has come under intense scrutiny this week by local law enforcement. It appears that for the past year, a group of employees has been setting up a version of Fight Club among the school's inhabitants. You just can't make this stuff up.

We, at Pterodactyl Puke, wanted to get to the bottom of this wacky story, so we sent our own Angry Max on a junket to Texas to speak to the students of the school. Angry Max was able to send the tape of his discussion.

One particular student was very open and took time out of his busy schedule (which included nap and pudding hour) to speak to Angry Max. The following is a direct interpretation of what most likely would have been said:

Angry Max: Jimmy, (name changed to protect the innocent minded) thanks for being able to speak with Ptero today. Wow, that is a pungent odor coming from where you are sitting, what is that?

Jimmy: I don't smell anything at all attributed to a lack of wiping after doin #2.

Angry Max: Ok. Now in relation to the fighting that has been going on for the past year..

Jimmy: You mean gym?

Angry Max: Yes, gym. Can you tell us about your experiences that you and your friends have gone through in "gym"?

Jimmy: Well, we all seem to be stronger than the average human. I don't know what you would call that but we have some form of extra power, completely unlabeled by middle America. A certain type of strength.

Angry Max: um......

Jimmy: I would say most of us have grown accustomed to hugging as a move.

Angry Max: Hugging? That doesnt sound so bad.

Jimmy: Would you like to me to show you how we do it?

Angry Max: Ummm, sure, go ahead. How bad could a simple hugging be?

Jimmy: Ok, here we go.

Angry Max: My, that is a strong grip. You can let go now. No seriously, let go. I can't breathe. *Gasp*, I am blacking out......

We haven't heard from Max for a few days. He missed his flight yesterday. Calls to the school have gone unanswered. I am sure he is fine.

The Curious Case of Getting Shot at the Movies

For those of us who plan to plunk down $10 this holiday season to catch Brad Pitt's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, please, please, please be on your best behavior. Especially if you live in Philly. Seems folks down in the City of Brotherly Love sure do love them some Brad Pitt flicks and, well, if you happen to be a bit chatty when watching the movie, you could get shot. Check this story out. One James Cialella became so incensed by a father and son talking during a screening of Benjamin Button, he not only pulled out a gun but shot the guy in the arm. Now, as if it can't get better, Cialella calmly sat back down and continued to watch the flick as the rest of the theatre bolted out of fear.

Now, I am not going to go so far as to encourage shooting someone at the movies for talking, but hey, I dig the message. It's about time people started shutting the fuck up at the movies. But is it ever OK to talk during a movie? I would say yes, like if your watching The New World, you just can't help but comment on how shitty it is or to even just flat out moon the screen at the end. Or, hey if the guy in the seat next to you just keeps burping the whole time and the smell can only be compared to a mix of burnt bologna and farts, then yeah I think its fair to speak up. But what I know for sure is this, I think we can say it will now never be safe to talk during a Brad Pitt movie. Ever, ever again. It's just not worth the risk.