Ptero Oscar Preview

So its seems that the Academy Awards are this weekend. It also seems that I have not finished my reviews of the Oscar nominated movies. If you look a smidge closer, you might also see that I have not written an Oscar preview yet. The aforementioned lack of blogging causes great consternation with the Ptero Overlord, Angry Max. So, in order to avoid my getting beaten with the smarty pants stick which Angry Max uses to write his blogs, here is my cut-to-the-chase, no bull, down-and-dirty, to-the-point, no delays, quicker-than-quick, Reader's Digest version, straight talk express Ptero Oscar Review.

Here are the reviews I never got to:

Frost/Nixon: Well, it seems that David Frost was a hep cat in his day and, oddly enough, Nixon was not. The movie is about a series of interviews between David Frost and Richard Nixon after Nixon resigned the presidency. Today's equivalent would be if Ryan Seacrest interviewed Dick Cheney (with the only difference being that Ryan Seacrest is a complete douche). Well, hilarity ensues. Actually, it doesn't. It is amazing how much drama they can squeeze out of two guys talking to each other. I liked it, but it's not gonna win crap.

The Wrestler: What the hell did Mickey Rourke do to his face?!?! The Wrestler is about the tragic downfall of a former wrestling superstar, but nothing is as tragic as Mickey Rourke's plastic surgery-modified face. That being said, Mickey Rourke is absolutely fantastic in the movie. He deserves to win the Best Actor Oscar, hands down. The movie is pretty good, too. A little hard to take, but a very good film. Movie bonus: Marisa Tomei is naked for no apparent reason.

Slumdog Millionaire: Prepare yourself to boo and hiss me. I am the only person in the entire world who doesn't think this is a great movie. I understand that I am alone in my thoughts, but I am the only person who is right. This movie is okay, but it is so movie perfect. By that I mean that all the ends are tied up perfectly and though you see a lot of bad things in the movie, never for one second do you doubt where it is going. It does NOT deserve the Oscar for Best Picture, but it will, 100%, be the winner for Best Picture. Why? Because we in America love whatever is deemed as the cool thing, and Slumdog is the cool movie. Trust me, no one is gonna be putting Slumdog on their Netflix list in 5 years.

Milk: Just couldn't get myself to see it. Not because of the movie, but because I just couldn't stand two-plus hours of bad seventies haircuts. I had the chance to see it one afternoon and I chose Taken instead. It may be the best decision of my entire life. Liam Neeson should get the Oscar for Best Kick-Ass Dad and if you don't agree with me, Liam Neeson will come to your house and kill your family.

My Oscar picks:

Supporting Actor
If there is any justice in the world, Robert Downey, Jr. will win for the gutsiest and funniest performance of the year as a white guy playing a white guy playing a black guy in Tropic Thunder. But he has NO CHANCE because Heath Ledger will win. There is nothing like death to boost your popularity in Hollywood.


Supporting Actress
Viola Davis + snot = Oscar.

Lead Actor
Mickey Rourke plays washed up druggie, deaf loser perfectly. (Type-casting?) He should win. But Sean Penn may sneak in here.

Lead Actress
Meryl Streep gave the best perfomance of the year in Doubt. She was able to keep a straight face while Viola Davis had boogers coming out of her nose. She should win. Kate Winslet has a pretty good chance here because she played a naked, Nazi pedophile, which is right up the Academy's alley.

Animated Feature
Wall-E should have been nominated for best picture. There is no dialogue for at least the first 15 minutes and it works. I also can do a mean Wall-E impression.

Best Picture
If you are still reading this, you know my feelings about this. Slumdog will win but it shouldn't. Who should win? Well, it's funny you should ask because I happen to know the answer. The winner for Best Picture should be........Doubt. Final answer. (That is a Slumdog inside joke. It is funny, trust me.)